- emonzaemonFairy Tail Mage
- Posts : 56
Points : 100985
Join date : 2013-04-21
Warning Level :
First Fanfic!
Fri Oct 18, 2013 4:01 pm
Again, I'm open for any kind of criticism.
- Fanfic:
- "Aren't you tired being alone?" A little girl with red-blood hair asked me.
This girl seems really familiar. But I can't remember who she is."Who are you? Why do you know my name?" I asked curiously.
"That's rude! You're not supposed to answer my question with a couple of questions! You dunce!" She answered while she pouts.
Dunce? This little girl has a sharp tongue. "Ha-ha! I'm not a dunce little girl." Is she lost? Maybe I can help her find her parents. "Are you lost? I can help you find your parents if you like."
I reach out to hold her hand. And she held my hand and bit it really hard. "Ouch! What're you doing? Stop biting my hand!" I shoved her away from me, and I was able to get free from her bite. Damn, that hurt as hell. "What is wrong with you?!" I said while I was almost ready to cry.
"You forgot, huh?" She said with a deep sigh.
"I forgot what?" I said with a puzzled look while holding my left hand which she left a nasty bite mark mark.
"You had the guts to do that and in a matter of days you forget about it?!" She said with a serious look.
"Do what? I did what?" I am completely unsure of what's happening right now.
"Silence! I will not let you disgrace me anymore!" Her voice changed into something really scary. And what the hell's happening? She's getting huge? Or am I shrinking? Either way, she's going to grab me! She's gonna crush me! Holy Mother of God! I quickly ran as fast as I could, as far as I could away from her. I ran for my life.
And after a while of running without looking behind me, I felt I outrun her.
"Did I lost her?" I said while gasping for air. As my legs gave out on me, I sat on the road. Damn it, I'm not an athletic person, climbing a third story building is enough to gas me out. I shouldn't be doing this.
I strech out my worn-out legs to rest for a little bit. "What the heck was that?" As I look across the sky, I noticed a huge hand coming out of the clouds! I don't have the strength to run anymore! My legs are dead tired! Is this the end? Am I really going to die by a huge hand flattening me? Oh, God! Please forgive me for all the sins I made! And Mom, Dad, Rena. I'm going to see you guys! The hand closes in! Here it comes!
"Die human scum!"
"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!" I screamed the loudest in my entire life.
*huff* *huff* *huff* It was a dream? I quickly examined my body, its not squashed! That really scared the **** out of me. I've never been so relieved in my life! I'm back to reality! God! Thank you very much!
*bang**bang**bang* That surprised me! I thought that girl's hand would pierce through my front door.
*bang* *bang* someone is knocking at my door.
"Ah, for God's sake! Its too early in the morning!" As I said angrily.
"Who is it?! I told you I don't need newspapers! Scram already!" I heard a manly voice trying to imitate a girl's voice saying "Its me!"
I approached the door after hearing an annoying familiar voice. "Oh, its you." I said with a deep sigh. And what's with him this time?! He's wearing make up! And that lipstick is obviously hideous! And, what's that? Its a mop on his head! Is that suppose to be a wig? Anyone on their right mind wouldn't do this kind of thing.
"What's with that blank expression?! Aren't you glad your girlfriend is here to greet you a good morning?" He pouts, imitating a girl again. Personally I think its disgusting. And what does he mean girlfriend? This guy is nuts.
"What the hell do you mean girlfriend? You cross-dressing wacko!" I was on the verge of strangling him to death.
"How rude! Just because you got my virginity, you're gonna toss me like a dirty mop! A-hu-hu-hu!" He fakes a cry. And again, imitating a girl. This is getting out of hand. I'm so close on being a criminal right now.
"Ok, I don't have any time for this. Is this some kind of a prank show? Where are the hidden cameras? If it is, its not funny, you're ruining my day." I said, trying to end the meaningless conversation.
"Don't be so stingy, Daaaa-ar-ling." As he said while throwing a flying kiss towards me. I almost puked seeing it.
"Drop the act moron. Its not funny. You bang on my door early in the morning and you talk about this crap? Stop wasting my time. Say what you need to say and get away from here!" I shouted at him angrily.
"Ok, ok, I'm sorry. I'm just here to greet you a good morning, and might as well try to be your friend." This time he talked naturally.
"How many times have I've told you not to bother me early in the morning just to say good morning! My mornings are always bad because it starts with you waking me up in my sleep! And for the last time. I don't need a friend!" Again, I shouted at him while closing the door.
"Tch! And I thought acting like a girl would be effective!"
"I heard that! And please! You're a man! Start acting like one!"
"I'll give up for now! But you better be ready! I'll be coming back to befriend you!" He said while humming. I'm not a stray dog, you moron. And I don't need any friends.
This is what's been happening for a week now. Its because of that overly hyper Kris who just moved in beside my apartment. He always insists that we should become friends. At first I denied him politely. But ever since then, he always knock at my door every single day just to bug me to be his friend. I guess I should've been much honest on telling him I don't need any friends. The thought of finding another apartment crossed my mind, but its a pain in the ass moving my things.
"Being alone is fine for me, I don't need friends, having friends is the same as relying on someone, and I don't plan to rely on someone." This is my motto in life. I'm not an introvert, I just don't want unnecesary relationship with anyone. My name is Loki Laynard. I've lived alone since my parents and sister died on a car accident when I was just 7 years old. That was 12 years ago. My parents didn't have any relatives at all, so I was on an orphanage until I was old enough to live by myself. And when I was old enough to live on my own, I've decided to live by myself. I've been living and working for about a year now. I knew it will be hard, but I didn't knew it was going to be this hard. Its not like I complain or something.
I tried lying on my bed to get some sleep before going to work.
*beep*beep**beep* My alarm on my phone rang at exactly 9am. Exact time for me to prep and go to work. I hurriedly took a shower and rode my bicycle to go to the cake shop I work at.
"Thank you for coming." As I said on a customer wearing a fake smile.
"As expected of you Loki. You're doing a good job again." Mr. Flem said. This guy is the owner of the Pan de Monique. The cake shop I work at, he's really nice. He offered me a cashier job on his shop when I returned his wallet which he left on the restroom.
"Thank you sir, but I'm just doing what I'm being paid for. And plus, you would've fired me if I'm not properly doing my job, right?"
"Ooooooooh. Stingy as ever. But you're right, I hate lazy workers the most! By the way Loki, why don't you come with us and have some fun? We'll be going on a local bar later. Don't worry, I'll take care of the bill."
"I'm gonna have to refuse sir Flem." I refused in a polite manner.
"Why? Is it because we're a bunch of old man hanging out?!" He asks with a furios look on his face.
"Not at all! I don't mind going with you guys! In fact I'd love to!" Of course I don't want to go with them, that's why I'm gonna have to tell a lie. "But there will be no one left on your shop, since everyone will be coming with you, you'll end up asking me again for overtime later."
"Sharp answer, but I plan on closing the shop early."
"Then I'll head home early after my shift." I said. I don't have any time to waste with you old guys. Besides, my laundry's been piling up.
"You sure its not just because we're old, huh? Or is it that you want to avoid having friends? You gotta be more friendly you know? Life's too short to live alone."
"I'll think about what you said sir Flem."
A few more hours passed. And its time to close the shop.
"Are you sure you don't want to come with us?" Mr. Flem asked me again.
"Thanks, but I still have to refuse sir." Again I refused politely
"Don't tell me I didin't invite you!" He said, thinking I'd think twice about it.
"Still a no sir." I bluntly said it.
"Fine, close up the shop okay? Be careful going home."
"Thanks again, see you tomorrow sir." I wore another fake smile before seeing them off.
As I thought. Everyone joined the owner. I was left alone to close the shop. Which I don't mind at all.
"Now, time to head back." I said to myself after closing the shop.
Its a thirty minute ride to reach my apartment, I reached home at exactly 8 pm. As I park my bicycle, I noticed two unusual guys lurking in front of Kris' house. I didn't actually care who they are, since I thought they were Kris' friends, considering how friendly that damn guy is. But one of them approached me.
"Is this were Kris Crale lives?"
I figured there's no way you could not know where your friend lives. While knowing that, I still gave him a yes.
"Uh, yeah." I said with a trembling look. Man, this guy is huge!
"Thanks, little guy." He said while smirking.
I wouldn't be this small if you're not that big, asshole. Of course I said it inside my head, since I don't wanna get my ass kicked. I passed both of them and got inside of my room.
"Alright, now what should it eat?" I ask myself.
I opened the fridge and found out I don't have any food left.
"Ah! Shoot!" Now I got to buy from the nearest store.
As I open my door to get out, I heard voices coming from Kris' front door.
"You gotta pay what you owe us right?!" A frightening deep voice said.
I've heard this voice, its one of the guys who asked me about Kris before. I peeked through my window to see what's happening. And that damn Kris saw me.
"Yo! My best friend in the making! I'll be promoted next week!" He said while looking at me.
"Congrats, asshole" I replied harshly.
"Yeah! I'll treat you as soon as I get my first paycheck!" He said happily.
"Hey now, what about the thing you owe us?!" Said one of the big guys.
"Yeah, sure! I'd pay you as long as I get my promotion next week!" Kris answered the big guy confidently.
"Oh really?! Another week huh?! You owe us a long time and you'll make us wait another week?!"
"Uhh, yeah? Since I don't have anything now." Kris said with a dumb look on his face.
"Don't you freaking play with me. I need it now. Give it or I'll smash your pretty face asshole!" This guy is pretty serious! I don't wanna end up on Kris' sitiuation right now!
"Are you an idiot? I told you I don't have it right now, right?!" Kris shouted right in the face of the big guy. You're the one who's an idiot, don't you sense you're on a bad situation right now? That damn idiot.
"Okay, play times over." Said the slim guy.
"Sure it is, since were not playing any games. Idiot. Hahaha!" Said Kris while laughing hard. I knew he was an idiot, but I didn't know it was to this extent! His idiocy is on the highest level!
"Do what you need to do." Said the slim guy.
"Okay, boss." Said the big guy.
"What are you gonna do? Stop holding m ---" The big guy didn't even let Kris finish his sentence, he full swings his right fist on Kris' face. Then kicks him. Then punches him again, and just before he gets down, he kicks him again.
"What are you doing?!" Said Kris while holding his bloodied nose.
"Disciplining you. Since you don't know who you're talking too." The big guy said with a furious look in his eyes.
"All right, I'm sorry, I was just kidding around, I didn't mean to disrespect the both of you." Said Kris while begging for mercy.
"Too late for that." As the big guy says that. He hit Kris' face again, now a tooth just flew off of his face. And when he fell down, he kicks him repeatedly.
I couldn't bare to see all of it so I close my window. I couldn't care less about Kris, we ain't nothing. Were just acquaintances.
*blag* blag* *blag* someone's banging on my door.
"Loki! Loki! Loki! Loki! I know your in there! Please help m---" *cough* *cough* *cough*
As I peak on the door, I saw Kris coughing blood. And getting kicked again by the big guy.
I'm panicking, I don't know what to do. I don't want to help him, I don't want to get hurt myself, this is why I hate having annoying acquaintances. They involve you into this kind of situations you wouldn't like. I don't want to help him. But I need to.
"Stop that! Or else I'm going to call the police!" I said while still being in my room.
I hurriedly find my phone, I couldn't find it. The banging on the door stopped. Did they really think I called the police? If they did, then its good, I open my window to check what's happening. The two guys are not there anymore. Kris was just sitting in front of my door, I tried calling him.
"Kris! Kris!" He's not replying, I thought he passed out. So I open the door slowly, checked on him. To my surprise, he's not breathing, he has no pulse. I tried shaking him too see if he's still alive. He's still not moving. I got outside to see if someone can help us. I saw the two guys standing outside. I hid as soon as I can.
"Seems like we forgot about this one, boss."
"You don't say?"
"Can I have him boss?"
"Sure, go ahead, but be sure to clean it up."
****! They saw me! And what's with this guy? Can I have him?! Is he gay?! ****! This is the worst situation I've been into! I'm about to get raped! By a guy!! ****. I wish I could've been with Mr. Flem!
"Hey, asshole, I ain't into that ****." A voice came from my back.
Huh?! How did he know that? Did I just say that out loud?! And how the heck he got behind me so fast?! As I turn around to look at the guy, I saw something crazy.
"What are you looking at?!" The big guy asked me.
"Y--y--you got HORNS?!" I said being shocked. What the heck is that?
"Ah, ****, my transformation got screwed up."
"What do you mean transformation?! Aren't you some kind of a cosplayer?!" Is that some new kind of trend nowadays?
"Hell no!" Said the big guy.
"Finish it off already, Ganpa. We've got better things to do." Said the slim guy. So he's name is Ganpa.
"That's right, I am the mighty Ganpa! And I'll have my second serving for tonight!" Second serving? Ah, what the heck? He's really into gay ****!
"Damn you, haven't I told you I'm not into that ****? What the hell is wrong with you?" He said with fire burning in his eyes.
Again, he read my mind, what's with this guy?
"W-w-what do you mean second serving?!" I asked while being terrified.
"Don't worry, it'll be over in a second. And you won't feel a thing." Ganpa said while reaching for me.
"I have no idea what you're talking about! B-b-but I have money! I'll give you my monthly savings! Just please don't kill me!" As I kneel down in front of him.
"Money?! As if I need those useless papers!"
"S-s-so what do you want exactly?"
"Since I just had dinner, I'll have you for desert!!"
"Hey Ganpa! Don't spill out the beans, you moron, what if someone from the organization heard you? We'll be in a lot of trouble." Said the slim guy.
"Oops, sorry. It kinda slipped off of my tongue." Said ganpa.
I have no idea what kind of prank this is. But this is definiteley not funny!
"I told you I'm not kidding, now look directly in my eyes." I can't control my legs anymore, I'm shaking too much. But I need to run, or else something bad is going to happen to me. I turn around and ran as fast as I can.
"Ooooooooooooh! This is the first time a human scum breaked my hypnosis! You're quite the specimen, human! But I'm sorry we don't have enough time to waste anymore so let me put you still." I tripped down, or so I think. I can't feel my legs, maybe they're dead tired or scared. But when I looked down, I can't find my legs. All I see is blood gushing out of my upper body.
"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! What the hell?! What the hell?! What the hell?! It hurts! It hurts! It hurts!" I saw my lower body beside me, my guts are out as well, I'm fainting.
Oh wait, maybe I'm dreaming again? Yeah! This is definitely one of those shitty dreams I've been having lately! Someone from reality wake me! Someone knock at my door please! I need newspapers now!. *cough* *cough* *cough* I'm coughing blood? Oh ****, this is not a dream.
I think this is what it means to die. Mr. Flem was right, life is really is short. And the fact that I didin't have a single friend makes my life a lot worse. Oh ****. This is the first time I've said that, and maybe the last time. Oh, how I wish I've made a single friend in my lifetime, I guess its too late, I'm about to die from being splitted in half. Its cold. Its really cold, Mom, Dad, Rena, I'm coming with you guys.
"Blockhead, if you die here, then I'd die as well, what are saying you don't have a single friend?! Don't give me that cliche line! " A girly voice inside my head said. "Are you my conscience?!I never thought my conscience would sound a lot like a girl. I thought a flashback of you're life should be played when you're going to die?! I'm waiting for my flashback." I replied to the voice inside my head.
"You really are dumb, why have I been sealed on this nutcase? If you really think you've been alone all this time, you are very wrong blockhead. I've always been inside you, and I'll always be." The voice inside my head said.
"Who are you anyway?! Where's my flashback?! Ah dammit! Even in the brink of death my mind fails!"
"Call my name moron. Its Thanatos."
"What are you muttering about?! Saying you're prayers now huh? Now then, shall I have your soul?!" Ganpa said while approaching me.
"Tha-na-tos.?"
"Wazzat?! What are you saying asshole?!"
"THA-NA-TOS?"
- @imMisTiiDango Lover
- Posts : 541
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Join date : 2013-06-24
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Re: First Fanfic!
Mon Oct 21, 2013 10:08 am
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Nose Bleed >.<
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- emonzaemonFairy Tail Mage
- Posts : 56
Points : 100985
Join date : 2013-04-21
Warning Level :
Re: First Fanfic!
Mon Oct 21, 2013 6:08 pm
Why?!@imMisTii wrote:
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Nose Bleed >.<
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